


every night.

by Team_Free_Tardis_Deduction



Category: Supernatural
Genre: 8x02, Angst, Canon, Dean's Prayers, Dialogue Heavy, Drabble, Feels, Ficlet, Filler, Filling In the Gaps, Gay, Headcanon, Lots of Angst, M/M, Man Pain, Pain, Part 1, Purgatory, SPN - Freeform, Season 8, Ship, Short, as in, back at it again with the terrible tags, cas/dean, dean/cas - Freeform, only dialogue, otp, so much pain, yep
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-27
Updated: 2016-10-27
Packaged: 2018-08-27 07:52:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,341
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8393335
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Team_Free_Tardis_Deduction/pseuds/Team_Free_Tardis_Deduction
Summary: Dean prayed to him. Every night.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> There is another piece to this fic that fills in after the _______________ line. So go to the next chapter for that, if you like. You don't need to complete this chapter if you do. I wrote it all out and then decided it wasn't what I wanted for this piece, which was just a little baby ficlet I wanted to jot down, but I'd written too much to just *delete*
> 
> I hope you enjoy ♡
> 
> (((I'll never be over the Purgatory arc)))

_"Cas?_

 

_"Cas, where are you?"_

 

_"Are you alright?"_

 

_"Cas, you there? Cas? C'mon, man, this isn't OK. Cas? Castiel?"_

_"Cas, buddy, come on. I know you're around."_

_"Cas? Where are you?"_

_"Cas, this isn't funny anymore, alright? This... This is serious. Cas, this is serious. Where are you?"_

_"Dear o' gracious one, I pray for that feathery sonovabitch to hop his way over here- now."_

_"Now."_

_"Now?"_

_"Cas, please."_

 

_"I need you."_

_"Look, I don't know if you can hear me, but I'm coming to get you."_

_"Whatever reason you had for disappearing on me like that, I get it. You can come back now."_

_"Come back, or I'll come to you."_

_"Hey, Cas. So, I guess I'm on the move now. I still don't know if you can hear me, but... Well, I ain't got anything better to do. It's rough sleeping 'round here with no one to watch my back. There's a lotta fangs here, bud. I could... I could use a hand."_

_"Cas, if you're still alive- I need a sign, buddy. Anything. Just... Let me know I'm not chasing ghosts."_

_"Chasin' ghosts. Of course I'm chasing a ghost. That's my job."_

_"Cas, really. I need a sign, pal. I need something."_

_"Anything?"_

_"I'm getting desperate here."_

 

_"I need you."_

_"I miss Sam. I hope he's doing OK."_

_"Oh, god. What he must think. He's probably searching for us right now. Probably losing his mind."_

_"Where does he even start? Where do we even start?"_

_"I miss my little brother, Cas."_

_"I miss you, too."_

_"Cas, I know you're here. One of the fangs told me. If you can hear me, I'm coming."_

_"I'm coming to get you, Cas."_

_"Cas, I..."_

_"I have to admit something. It's-"_

_"Crap, it's getting busy around here. I guess by now every ghoul in the whole damn place knows we're here. I could really use your help, buddy. It's getting hard swinging on my own without someone to cover my six."_

_"Cas, what happens if I die here?"_

_"What happens if you die here?"_

_"Cas... Are you dead?"_

 

_"I need you."_

_"I know you're not dead. I have my informants. I'm guessing by now you either don't have the mojo, or your ears aren't turned on. If you're ignoring me, then... Well... I'm still coming for you, Cas. I'm still coming."_

_"I gotta say it now. This place is scaring me, Cas."_

_"Not the place itself, of course. Hell, I've faced nightmares like this before. This is... This is nothing. That's what's scaring me. I'm almost... I almost enjoy it. Being here. I'm in my element. I-"_

_"Oh god, Cas, is something broken in me?"_

_"Is that why you're hiding?"_

_"I got a partner today. I don't know if I can really trust him, but he seems safe for now. His name's Benny. He's a 'pire. Says he's got a way out."_

_"I'm not leaving without you."_

_"Benny says his gateway will only get the two of us out. Well, I say to hell with that. I'm still coming to get you, Cas. We're going to get out together."_

_"I gotta say, man. You're not making this easy."_

 

_"Benny's alright. He's a good... Guy?"_

 

_"I think we might be friends."_

 

_"Who woulda thought that? Making friends in purgatory."_

 

_"I'm still coming to get you, angel. You're still the only one I-"_

_"How much time has passed, do you think? Jesus, what if we get out and Sam's an old man. What if the world's fallen apart? What if..."_

_"I really miss you, Cas. These things, they say you're like a beacon. Say you draw attention like a flare. Why aren't you shining for_ me _? What did I do?"_

_"Cas, I-"_

_"I'm not sure how much farther I can go. I'm not sure I can keep going."_

_"I need you, Cas. I need you."_

_"I need you."_

_"I think we're getting close, bud. I think I'm close. Stay where you are."_

_"I know where you are, Cas. Stay there."_

_"Stay where you are."_

_"Stay."_

 

* * *

 

"I prayed to you, Cas. Every night."

 

"I know."

 


	2. extended edition.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Not exactly prayers answered, but close enough...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **From Dean's perspective**

 

 

 

* * *

 

Everything in Purgatory is lifeless, drained. The whole place is coloured grey and dirty. Everything is ugly.

But the creek Cas is crouched beside isn't so bad. It resembles another creek, any other. A creek running through the woods by his house; a creek trickling tranquil and fresh through the heart of a park where he and Sam once parked their Baby and watched the stars. If Dean focusses hard enough he can almost smell the faint odour of pines through the constant stench of ash and death he's grown used to.

Then of course there's Castiel.

Dean has to blink, hard. He's had his fair share of hallucinations, but not here. Everything in purgatory is too pure, too simple, for that kind of trickery. Everything here is reduced to it's basic, primal instinct- even him. It's not instinctual to imagine Cas there, bent beside the stream, face still damp with droplets running off the ends of his nose and finger tips. If it was, it would've happened long before now.

It kind of feels that way.

But no, no, this is real. Cas is right here.  _He's found him_.

Dean's heart pounds. He shifts his weight, fist clenched around his weapon- just in case.

"Cas?!" His voice is raw and growling, commanding.

For a millisecond there's a pause, hesitation.

"Dean." Cas says quietly. It's not a question. He doesn't look at Dean.

Dean doesn't give a damn.

Because that's Cas. _That's Cas_. That's his angel. He found him,  _he's here_.

Dean moves towards him, relaxing visibly. There's a tension he hadn't realised he'd been carrying and suddenly it's gone. There are questions,  _so many questions_ , but they can wait. Cas stands up. He turns to him, ragged and filthy- just like Dean. He's got a beard, that's new. He's alive, though. Unharmed and every bit as beautiful as the image Dean'd been holding onto.

The image that kept him going.

Cas, smiling, his familiar trench coat and backwards tie. His friend, his saviour, his-

Cas isn't smiling right now, but that doesn't matter. Nothing matters. Dean'd been expecting to find scorch marks all this time. Expecting to find Cas just a little too late, his corpse spread over the ground, wings burnt out over the filth. He'd been expecting tragedy.

Dean can hardly believe it.

"Cas." He says, his voice much softer, higher, breaking nearly embarrassingly. Nearly. He's really too relieved to be embarrassed. He doesn't give a damn.

He doesn't really register Cas' face, his body language, the fact that he doesn't move or speak or smile. He just registers Cas, alive, and he laughs. He collides with the angel, pulling Cas to his chest, fitting his arms around him tight and secure. He pets his back, partially to be friendly, to play the embrace off like it's... Well, it's _not_ nothing.  
Partially to make sure Cas is real.

The angel doesn't hug him back, but that's OK. It's fine. Cas doesn't really do that. He's probably in shock. Dean'd be in shock, too, if he wasn't so freaking happy.

"Damn it's good to see you." He says, and he means it. He pulls away, lifting his lingering hand off Cas' shoulder to poke at his new scruff, "Nice peach fuzz."

"Thank-you." Cas replies, and it's just so  _Cas_.

Dean's smile lingers on his lips as he steps away, putting a little distance between him and the angel, suddenly remembering Benny's presence. "You should meet somebody," He says, gesturing at the vampire. "This is Benny- Benny, this's Cas." 

"Hola." Benny says in greeting, a little withholding.

Cas doesn't acknowledge him at all beyond looking at him. "How did you find me?" He doesn't sound disbelieving- but, then again, Castiel never sounds much of anything.

Dean smiles. "The bloody way." Then, "You feeling okay?"  
He can't help but sense something's a little off. Hell, of course something's off. He's been traipsing around this literal monster afterlife hellscape trying to find the angel; and here he is, as far from overjoyed as one can get. It makes the hairs on the back of his neck stand on end, his hackles rise defensively. He stamps on the feeling. Cas is here and, from the looks of things, back to his normal self.

Cas glances away, looking a little spooked. There's tension in him, but Dean puts it down to their location. They're in purgatory, the monster's afterlife, of course he's on high alert.  
"You mean am I still...?" He trails off, motioning his finger in circles at his temple.  _Crazy?_ Cas raises an eyebrow at him ever so slightly in question.

It's just so  _Cas_.

Dean can't help the smile, laughter in his words. "Yeah, if you want to be on the nose about it, sure."

"No. I'm perfectly sane." Cas replies. He keeps glancing around and Dean inwardly questions the truth behind that statement- jokingly, of course. "But then, 94% of psychotics think they're perfectly sane, so I guess we'd have to ask ourselves: 'What is sane?'"  _So Cas_. Dean tries to ignore the possibility of further meaning behind those words.

"That's a good question."

"Why'd you bail on Dean?" Again, Dean'd nearly forgotten his was there. He sounds suspicious, skeptical of Cas. Dean doesn't know how to explain to him that the angel is trustworthy- to an outsider's point of view, Benny isn't wrong in questioning Cas' allegiance.

"Dude." He warns. Benny continues.

"The way I hear it, you two hit monster land and hot wings here took off. I figure he owes you some backstory." True, but surely there's a logical explanation. Cas would've had his reasons.

"Look, we were surrounded, okay?" Dean says. When his eyes fall on Cas, he can't tear them away. "Some freak jumped Cas. Obviously, he kicked its ass, right?" He nods at the angel, seeking confirmation.

It's not exactly what he gets.

"No."

So quiet Dean thinks he may have misheard. But he didn't. He pauses for a moment, processing. He blinks, "What?"

Castiel glances down guiltily, his eyes soft when they meet the hunter's. "I ran away."

Dean can feel his heart clenching, the ice crawling back over it, turning it cold. When he speaks he imagines frost pouring from his lips. He feels like burning. "You ran away?"

"I had to."

"That's your excuse for leaving me with those gorilla wolves." It's almost as if if he speaks slow enough Cas'll realise how crazy that sounds and offer up a better explanation. A less painful one. One that doesn't scream betrayal.

"Dean-"

His anger grows. "You bailed out and- what? Went camping?" His voice rises. His words fill with frost and venom. Maybe he's wrong, maybe this _is_  a hallucination. Maybe he's back in hell. "I prayed to you, Cas. Every night."  _Every night. Every single goddamn one_.

How?  _How_  could Cas do this to him? He's been searching  _everywhere_. He's fought- tooth and claw- for him. He's lost himself in the savagery, in the hideousness of the place.  
He could've been out. Dean could've been out by now, with Sam. Maybe working through this- this, a bad memory. He stayed for Cas. Only for Cas.

_How could he do this to him?_

"I know."

_Well, ain't that the cherry on top?_

"You know? And you didn't-" Dean has to stop himself. He takes a breath, licking his lips. There are so many things he could say to Cas right now. So many things he'd like to scream at him. He settles for a question. "What the hell's wrong with you?" 

 _What_  the hell's wrong with you?

What the  _hell's_  wrong with you?

What the hell's  _wrong_  with you?

What the hell's wrong  _with_  you?

What the hell's wrong with  _you_?

All of the above.

"Dean, I am an angel-"  _really?_  "in a land of abominations-"  _got that right_. "there have been things hunting me from the moment we arrived." _Join_ -

"-the club!" That one he said aloud.

Cas' voice raises until he's a breath away from shouting, too. This isn't how Dean pictured this going. This wasn't what was supposed to happen.

"These are not just monsters, Dean, they're  _Leviathan_. I have a price on my head, and I've been trying to stay one step ahead of them, to–" To,  _what?_

A pause, the briefest of moments. Cas glances away, struggling. He looks back to Dean with something glistening in his eyes- pain? guilt? "To keep them away from you."

 _Oh_.

"That's why I ran."

_Wait-_

"Just leave me. Please."

 _No_.

"Sounds like a plan, let's roll." Benny says. Dean barely hears him.

"Hold on, hold on," He could kick himself. He could shrivel up and die right there and it'd be no more than he deserved. "Cas..." God, he's an idiot. "We're getting out of here. We're going home."  _Home, Cas. You and me. Let's go. Please_.

Cas doesn't look at him. "Dean, I can't-"

"You can." He's growing desperate. He didn't come all this way, fight so hard for so long, to lose Cas now. "Benny, tell him."

Benny obliges, perhaps sensing Dean's desperation. "Purgatory has an escape hatch, but I got no idea if it's angel-friendly."

It doesn't matter.  _It doesn't matter_.

"We'll figure it out."  _Such and idiot_. "Cas, buddy," Dean extends his arms, one step away from dropping to his knees and out-right begging. "I need you."

Something passes over Castiel's face and Dean knows he heard him. He  _heard_  him. "Dean..."

"And if Leviathan want to take a shot at us, let ‘em." He smiles.  _We can do this_. "We ganked those bitches once before, we can do it again."  _I won't ever stop fighting for you. I won't stop_.

"It's too dangerous."

_Goddammit, Cas, when is it not?_

"Let me bottomline it for ya,"  _I know you heard me. Nothing's changed_. "I'm not leaving here without you. Understand?"  _Consider this our 'you jump, I jump', angel. I'm not leaving you._

"I understand."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading ♡

**Author's Note:**

> Click over to chp. 2 for a little more angst, and little more writing, and a little more ouch (:


End file.
